Shaking hands
by Tellhound
Summary: ""Just go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." I tell you. I want to tell you that I love yo too, but right now I feel like I might break if I do. The words can wait until you're awake again." One-shot Character death


Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroko no Basuke or the characters.

 **A/N: This is my fist KnB fanfic ever so I apologize if it may be OOC. But please enjoy the story and feel free to give me a review.**

 **Shaking hands**

My hands are shaking and I can't seem to make them stop. They've been shaking since last night when I found out what happened to you. I thought you said you were fine. I thought you said you were no longer sick.

Kurokocchi was the one to tell me. At first I thought he were joking, but then I remembered who I was talking to. Kurokocchi was kind. He asked me if I wanted him to follow me home. Normally I would've jumped at the idea, but this time I declined. For once I felt that I needed to be alone with my thoughts.

I wanted to visit you as soon as I heard the news, but I was scared. Scared of what I'd see and that you'd still hate me. But today I'll see you. I'll even skip practise for you.

The day is slow and by the time I'm at the hospital outside your room I could swear days have gone by since that morning. With hands that are still shaking I open your door and enter the room. There are less machines and things connected to you than I had imagined, but you're almost paler than the sheets you're lying on.

Quietly I close the door and walk over to a chair beside your bed and sit down on it. I thought seeing you would calm me down. However, my hands are shaking even more now and no matter how hard I try they still won't stop.

"Aominecchi." I say after a while. "Why didn't you tell me the truth? Am I not trustworthy?" I feel as if though my words are echoing through the room.

For a while the only sound in the room is the beeping from the heartmonitor connected to you, but suddenly I hear your voice. "I didn't want to worry you." It's barely a whisper, but it's still loud enough for me to hear.

"And you don't think this worries me more than if you had told me the truth?" Tears are in my eyes and I'm trying my hardest not to actually start crying. You have no idea how worried I am about you.

"Sorry. That was not my intention." You sound so weak and I can't help taking your hand in my shaking ones. "I need to tell you something. And you're not going to like it." You're voice is a little louder now. "I'm dying. I probably won't even make it to the end of the month."

To my own suprise I don't start shedding any tears after hearing your words. Instead I smile sadly at you and tell you something I have wanted to tell you for years. "I wanted to spend my life with you. I guess that won't happen now."

"I'm not gone yet." You say as you give my hand a light squeeze. "I want to spend my last days with you." I lean down and give you a kiss on the lips and finally the tears are flowing down my face. You smile at me and with the hand I'm not holding you wipe away my tears. "Models shouldn't cry. It's not pretty." You tell me and for some reason that makes me laugh. "That's better."

I stay there for hours until someone comes and tells me that the visiting hours is over. I kiss you goodbye and with a heavy heart I leave. As soon as I'm outside your room I realize that my hands are still shaking. Or maybe they just started shaking again. Quietly I leave the hospital and on the walk home I wonder if you'll still be alive when I return to your side tomorrow.

We spend most of the days just talking and trying to pretened like nothing is wrong. But on the eighteen day that I visit you you're just so much weaker than you have been all the other days. You don't say much and just hold my hand until you after a short nap looks at me and say: "Please just hold me." I nod and you make enough room for me to lay down with you on the bed and I wrap my arms around you.

For a while we just lay like that, neither of us saying a single word. The only sound that can be heard is the beeping from your stupid heart monitor and the breaths you take. But eventually you decide to break the silence. "I never did tell you that I love you, did I?"

"No." I answer. "No, you didn't. But I kinda figured you did after what you told me a few days ago." _I want to spend my last days with you._

"But I need to tell you the words." You say and it sounds like you're going to fall asleep at any moment. "I love you, Ryouta" It's the first time that you use my first name and honestly I'm not sure how to feel about that. "I love you so much."

"Just go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." I tell you. I want to tell you that I love yo too, but right now I feel like I might break if I do. The words can wait until you're awake again.

"Okay." You say and within minutes you're asleep in my arms.

"You never did wake up again. I feel like I should have known since you were so weak that day. Maybe if I had just forced you to stay awake. Maybe then... Maybe you'd still be here with me." I'm standing in front of your grave with flowers in my hands that haven't stopped shaking yet. "I'm sorry I couldn't do anything for you. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. But most of all I'm sorry I never told you the words I wanted to tell you for years." I put the flowers in front of your headstone and wipe away tears that have started falling. _Models shouldn't cry. It's not pretty._

"Aomine..." I speak your name for the first time in weeks, but it doesn't feel right. "Daiki..." I say instead and for some reason that just feels better. "Thank you for letting me spend your last days with you, Daiki. I love you." I say just as the rain starst to fall.

Slowly I walk away from the graveyard and as I pull out my phone to check that I'm not late to a photoshoot that I would have more than loved to skip, I once again become aware that my hands have been shaking ever since the day Kurokocchi told me you had collapsed and was brought to the hospital. And I don't think the shaking will ever stop for as long as I love you.

 _The End_


End file.
